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My oldest kid hasn’t gone to sleepaway camp yet for various reasons, and I have implored my wife to send her for at least one summer because (A) I want these kids out of the house, and (B) as one of my friends said about his kid at camp, “I know they’ll come back a different person than when they left.” Summer camp is an indelible experience for so many kids because it represents the first time they’re really, truly out on their own. I thought that he hated me, but boy was I so wrong Well, we were just. Then again, I’m not sure why we did anything. By Audrey Fine PUBLISHED: 'One day I was at the bus stop alone with this supercute guy who I really liked. So, by the time they are 14 there are only four words left. My guess is, as they aged, the word count dropped by approximately 1000 words a year. I’m not quite sure why we ran from, you know, a phone call. When they were younger, my kids NEVER stopped talking. And whenever a real person answered the phone, we would scream I’M A MOTHERFUCKER WITH A BUFFALO BUTT, hang up the phone, and then run away. So, at night, we snuck down to the phone and started dialing random 1-800 numbers, hoping to either get a live operator or a live girl at the other end of the line. I don’t remember playing any soccer whatsoever at that camp, but I very much DO remember the camp was at a boarding school, and that we got to stay in the dorms all week, and that the dorm had a pay phone that was the only phone in the whole joint. My most vivid memories of summer camp all feature me being a teenage shithead.